idk why but i feel like shifting to wordpress.

find me at psychosot.wordpress.com

might not update as often.

or i might.

who knows.

I guess the talk we had the previous night helped.

I am happy.

Thanks for being such a great friend all along.

I guess I was just being oversensitive and reading too much into things.

I'm glad to have you as a friend (:
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woke up today morning to find that i had 2 unread messages.

one made my day.

the other made me realize that i made someone's day (8
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history project was a waste of 1 hour plus.

the other two hours plus was okay :D
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OMG EVERYONE GO SUSCRIBE TO YOUTUBE USER MOON3756 AND WATCH THE VIDEOS WITH THE WORD EVERLY IN FRONT IT'S DAMN DAMN DAMN NICE OMG.

One minute before the relief teacher gave out the paper, I realized I forgot to pray for geog test.

did a last-minute prayer.

and God was with me.

need i say more?
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sprained my ankle while rushing for debates :/

hurts like hell but not as bad as it ded yesterday.
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can't go for movie anymore :(
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perhaps, just perhaps, this friendship still has room for salvation.
_____

i'll be rotting home the whole day.

sigh.
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se-deprived :(
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might update this post again

screwed math CT today.

how nice right.

72.76493% chance of failing -_________________-

someone kill me already zzz

panadol works wonders, really..

headache like &*^%*^%$. AGAIN -_-

my mum scolds me for staying up late to do QT -___-

who cares.

doing QT actually made me feel better (:

brought me one step closer to God.

KK is right, "a relationship with God is the same as inter-human relationships, talk to God like you'd talk to a friend."

AHHHHHHHHH i've skipped too many QT sessions due to stupid excuses like "i'm too tired" or "i don't have time" or "there is too much homework" ._____________________________.

sigh.

oh crap i forgot to pray for math test -__-

after doing QT -__-

i prayed for almost every single little thing but forgot about math test.

God, is this what you're trying to tell me?

i'm being complacent?

not even bothering to study more for math test simply because math is my best subject?

not placing it high enough on my list of priorities to remember to pray about it?

._____.

AHHHHHHH.

ohcrap must do reflections zzz

before i fall asleep :D

ah ODJ is good (:

shall await the new copy wheee :D

ah ohwell.

power of prayer.

okay, not directly but still..

Hahaha i MUST blog this down.

I was just about to start quiet time and read Our Daily Journey.

So i flipped open to this random page and was about to flip to where i last left off.

But the random page i flipped to caught my eye.

It was on exams.

And i have my math CT tmr and was just feeling abit insecure cos i totally didn't revise.

And along came this page in ODJ.

Thank You, Lord, for opening my eyes to you :D

"You quieted the raging oceans with their pounding waves and silenced the shouting of the nations." - Psalms 65:7

We always say and we always hear the same thing - it's the thought that counts.

but is that truly what people think?

how many times, have we counted more than the thoughts?

how many people truly count only the thoughts?

this is what the modern society has bred.

a new age.

a new age where people are realistic and materialistic.

humans are beasts who have no emotions.

the only emotions are to fight for their own survival, for it is the survival of the fittest.

yes, sometimes the only thing that matters is the though.

but so many other times it is not the thought that is counted.

the thought may be the only thing which is SUPPOSED to count, but nowadays, how many people actually care?

this is the modern society.

no one cares.

it is eventually the survival of the fittest.

everywhere it's a competition.

there are no friends, only allies.

this is the modern society we live in.

slowly it will evolve.

till a day where the human race can sink no lower.

hopefully judgement day will come before that.

hopefully.

It's okay to screw up, God knows you're doing it for Him, and that's enough.
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This marks the end of the incident.

I just realized how much my horrible playing can affect others.

Like during praise and worship today.

How Rachael was expecting me to be able to play properly.

And how i eventually screwed up and wanqi had to come back and play when i could barely manage to play the main melody line + basic chords and jonathan wasn't even playing drums cos if he did the piano would no longer be heard.

I know they're disappointed.

Somehow they seem to think grade 6 piano = i can play piano properly.

Somehow they seem to have forgotten it's yuxin the epic failure we're talking about here.

Not to mention all the accompaniments i've played for people.

What an epic failure.

It's amazing that ppl can still trust me to play properly.

I realized that se is the one and only and best remedy for my not-so-good moods.

it is what cheers me up, lets me forget everything, and really indulge myself in music, even if we're out of tune.

so what if we're out of tune?

it doesn't matter.

like i said a very long time ago, the best music is not that which is most in tune, but played with the most emotion.

which is why the robot violinist by toyota sounds like crap.

cos robots are void of emotions.

so what if they're in tune.

no emotions = bullshit.

hahaha.

se ytd was damn fun.

and enjoyable.

it has been so long since we had proper practice.

ytd's walker and elgar were both super fun.

ms ku's jokes were amusing.

even though being an SL is :/

super screwed.

zzz

but it's cool.

as in it sounds good.

hahaha.

so long since we've had proper se practices.

playing together as an ensemble.

having ms ku going through certain parts with us.

hearing her jokes.

laughing tgt as an ensemble.

hahahaha.

thinking of se makes me happy :D

if i lived in the wizarding world, i'd never fail to produce a patronus, cos thinking of se can make me happy no matter what (8

i <3 se wheee.

hahaha omg.

ms ku rocks.

Nobody will be there forever.

People move along at different paces.

Some move faster than others and some move slower than others.

There are no two people who move at the exact same pace.

Even if it is just a slight difference, there will slowly be a gap between two people, or gaps between a group of people.

Slowly yet steadily, the gap will widen.

Eventually, someone whom was once right beside you will no longer be there.

One day, you will turn around.

And when you turn around, you'll realize that there is no longer anyone there.

Those who were once there are no longer there.

What you see is simply people fading off into the distance.

And once they fade off, they never appear again.

There will be new people who appear, but they will eventually disappear as well.

People come and go.

One day, you yourself will be the one to go.

And never return again.

Hahaha. Picture from MEP concert (:

School sucks.

Everything is just so routine-like.

The same fortnightly timetable.

The same things we do after we go home.

There are no more surprises in store after all of them came in one weekend.

Unpleasant ones.

Or perhaps they're pleasant.

Idk.

Point of view.
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Tom Felton is the new craze :D
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SE on mondays are cancelled.

The only routine i actually don't mind.
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Last friday..

I was sth like an SL.

I didn't like it.

Not one bit.

Idk how to lead a section.

And with my standard of playing, how on earth am i supposed to bring my section to greater heights?

Life sucks.

Routines suck.
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I haven't gone to church for 3 weeks in a row.

And somehow, i feel nothing.

Idk.
_____

So many things to say, yet noone listens.

MEP concert rocked (:

Met weiting at 4 plus at bugis to get the chocolates.

Shortly joined by jasmine alicia and ivory.

Dearest jasmine decided that we oughta go marina buy the chocolates cos we were going there to get ms ku's bouquet.

Went to hmv at citylink.

Super shuang.

One day we'll all go back there and buy down the whole shelf of classical music cds.

Ends up that the ferrero rocher there was at least $4 more expensive -___-

Then dinner at kfc.

Shortly joined by shimin and soonafter, zhaojie.

Zhaojie claimed to have been attacked by a madwoman on the mrt o___o

And apparently both him and michelle aren't coming for se today ):

And anyway dinner was screwed :D

Decided to buy a pooh and tigger for ms ku instead of a bouquet.

Reached concert hall super early and decided to do last minute wrapping of ferrero rochers at the waiting area.

Got extra ticket from gideon so zhaojie sat with us instead of jolene's parents :D

Oh and zhaojie was having bad hair day LOL.

Went into concert hall blah blah and stupid gideon and ekwhye didn't take concert booklet -_-

nice shimin helped them take O_O

slideshow.

choir.

basses were out of tune towards the end.

just oh-so-slightly.

soloists were damn good.

shostakovich quartet.

ziruo actually moved for the first movement.

then after that he just stoned -______-

mothergoose suite rocked lah :D

ms ku was brilliant as usual and se ppl were all over the place heh.

ferrero rocher for all se ppl whee.

waited damn long for ms ku.

jasmine set us on a wild goose chase -___-

BUT WE FINALLY FOUND MS KU AND GAVE HER TIGGER AND POOH :D

hahaha.

the look on ms ku's face was damn cute XD

WE LOVE MS KU :D

haha.

seriously.

ms ku rocks :D
_____

se today.

election results.

I GOT MY POST :D

lol.

the final comm's slightly.. *ahem*

:/
_____

piano lesson tmr.

didn't practice oh shit.
_____

oh and did i mention stupid gideon lim and poon ekwhye were talking throughout the entire bloody concert -_-
____

what's life's purpose?

what's the point of existence?

why did God create man?
_____

se is <3

School is getting boring too ):

MEP concert later (:

Se election results out tmr o___o

Imagine a world where everyone was one-dimensional.

Nice people would be always nice and never mean.

Mean people would be always mean and never nice.

Imagine a world where everyone fit nicely into their stereotypes and never did anything which did not fit their stereotype.

The nerds would mug all day long.

The emo kids would, well, emo all day long.

The bimbos/himbos would go around being stupid and brainless.

The "cool" kids would always be "cool" and won't do anything which seems otherwise.

The slackers won't ever do anything.

And so on and so forth.

You get my point.

That kind of world, is that what people are trying to achieve?

By constantly stereotyping each other, expecting one another to be a one-dimensional creature?

Is that the perfect utopia that so many talk about?
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Life's boring.

Routines are boring.

Could we have something new, please?

I need something to break my pointless and meaningless routines.
_____

Could someone please offer to help me with chem?
_____

I wonder how'd my parents react if my grades at the end of the year won't allow me to take triple science.

They'd probably tell me how disappointed with me.

Like how they were disappointed with my PSLE score.

Like how they were disappointed when I barely hit top 25% in DHS first sem last year.

Like how they were even more disappointed when my GPA dropped down to 3.13 second sem last year.

Like how they were disappointed when my GPA stayed at 3.13 for the first sem this year.

Like how they are always disappointed with me since I'll never do well enough for them.
_____

Damn.

I want an iPhone.

It can last me for at least 5 years, I tell you.

But why on earth is it so darn expensive.

$548 with my current plan.

What kinda shit daylight robbery is that.
_____

Three cheers for all those who screwed history test today (e.g. ME)
_____

Jiayou for ppl who are performing for MEP concert tmr (:

rawr.

History test tmr.

Playing accompaniment for shimin's MEP performance tmr.

I <3 mep but i <3 se more :D

Blog stats jumped in a day o___o

Eh omg i'm being random whee.

I WANT AN IPHONE .__.

Sigh.
_____

Imagine a world without music.

A world without sound.

hi ppl i am not emo.

i am refective.

don't judge me.

you don't have the right to do so.
_____

se is <3

who cares? apparently not you.

you are not alone. but i am.

life sucks. i know best.

humans are nothing but a bunch of lying bastards. i'm one too.

i'm not in a bad mood. but i ain't in a brilliant mood either.

the honest truth is a brutal thing. and so is anything else on this earth.

laughter is the best medicine. but not for cough and flu.

humans change. then some must be inhumane.

homework is bullshit. nothing more to be said.

i'm wasting my life away.

routines everyday, and i'm not even carrying out my routines properly.

i'm a student who doesn't study properly.

i'm a musician who doesn't practice.

what am i?

like seriously.

do i play my role well?

is it another day of "yuxin is happy yuxin is high"?

or is it another day of "yuxin acts emo online"?

what am i?

what am i supposed to be?

what do people see me as?

what are people supposed to see me as?
_____

stereotypes.

yuxin is stupid.

yuxin is high.

yuxin is happy.

yuxin is good in math.

yuxin voices out in class.

yuxin is a slacker.

yuxin is weird.

yuxin is loud.

therefore:

when yuxin suddenly becomes smart, she's not yuxin.

when yuxin isn't high, she's not yuxin.

when yuxin is unhappy, she's not yuxin.

when yuxin can't solve math problems, she's not yuxin.

when yuxin doensn't voice out in class, she's not yuxin.

when yuxin is hardworking, she's not yuxin.

when yuxin is being normal, she's not yuxin.

when yuxin is quiet, she's not yuxin.
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do not judge, and you will not be judged.
_____

this world isn't fair, was never fair to start with, and never will be fair.

never.
_____

who wants sympathy?

who wants empathy?
_____

who am i?

what role do i play?

whose story am i part of?

who is part of my story?

if my life were a story, would it be boring?

would it be dumb?

how many chapters would there be?

how would it end?
_____

life comes with questions that have no answers.

the answers will only come when judgement day comes.
_____

who am i to judge you, and who are you to judge me?

it's only in time of need when you eventually realize what/who matters and what/who do not.

just being in SE room today felt good.

seeing michelle, shimin, shuqi, karis, dyllis, darren, yuchong, and also ms ku haha :D

hahaha ms ku is super funny whee :D

practicing with shimin and shuqi really took my mind off everything and it was just pure joy.

trying out new pieces for fun, laughing our heads off when they go out of tune/i play completely wrong notes, sneaking into mep library (cos shuqi ain't mep student), eating at subway, laughing in the toilets, gossiping, chatting etc etc.

se has given me so much so much so much.

not just good music.

not just being able to proudly go around telling ppl that we're the only ensemble who got the prestigious gold with honours award.

not just materialistic stuff.

but love.

friends.

almost a family.

people whom you can be yourself around.

people who care.

people who are there when you need them.

people whom you're willing to be there for when they need you.

music is love, so is this family.

i can now hold my head up high and tell anyone who asks me why i ran for a position in comm that i ran not for CCA points, not just for the sake of being in the comm, not all these.

it's simply because se has given me so much.

it doesn't matter if i get the post or not.

at least i know i've tried.

but i'll still do my part for se no matter what.

it's the thought that counts (:
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Dear God,

thank You for letting me get that very exact mark for PSLE to miss nanyang by a mere one point, for it put me in dunman high.

thank You for leaving a better impression of se on me rather than band, for it made me choose se over band.

thank You for letting me get into se.

thank You for giving me this family.

in Jesus' name i pray, Amen (:
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life goes on.